Code Geass: Lelouch of the Clotheshanger
by NamineFlower
Summary: Code Geass, rewritten as a comedy? No way! A parody of Code Geass, complete with randomness and humor! Rated T for language. Chapter 1 is up!


A/N: Hey guys! This is my first fanfiction in a long time. I actually wrote this a few months ago, but I only just now decided to post it.

Hope you guys enjoy!

CODE GEASS FTW.

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. As much as I would like to. Yes, that would be nice. Veryyyyyyy nice. Heh heh heh._

"Come on, Lelouch!" A 10 year old Suzaku ran across a sunflower filled field with a 10 year old Lelouch panting behind him.

"You…loser…" Lelouch panted as he struggled to keep up. Suzaku, oblivious to what his friend had just said, kept running. After a few more seconds of running for some reason we still don't know, the two reached a small cliff, about 10 feet high.

Suzaku jumped onto the slope and climbed it as if it were the easiest thing in the world. Lelouch stopped. "WUHTUHFUH?" he twitched. "Did you just climb up an 85-degree slope?!"

Suzaku turned around. "Was that 85 degrees?" he asked, surprised. "Let me see…90…minus pie…times 23…divided by 734 subtracted by the root of 383892…carry the four…"

Lelouch sighed. "You know what, never mind. Help me up there." He ordered, annoyed. However, Suzaku was still busy calculating (or attempting to calculate) the degree of the slope that he just climbed, so he didn't hear Lelouch.

The black haired boy sighed again. He then proceeded to (attempt to) climb the cliff by himself. What he forgot to take into account, though, was his lack of physical ability. After about an hour of Lelouch climbing about a foot up the slope then sliding down again repeatedly, Suzaku finally finished his calculations.

"Lelouch, I got the root of yellow over negative seven…does that equal 85?" Suzaku turned around to face his friend, but found that he wasn't there. "Lelouch?"

"Down here, you imbecile." An angry voice called from the side of the slope. Suzaku peeked over the side of the slope. Lelouch was now about 3 feet up the slope. It was improvement, at least.

Suzaku sweatdropped. "Oops…sorry! Let me help you up!" He reached down towards Lelouch.

"_Finally, _you lazy bastard…" Lelouch muttered. He reached his hand up towards Suzaku's, and gripped it tightly. The brown haired idiot—I mean, boy, pulled up his friend with ease and they both stood on the plateau, panting.

"Did you say something when I pulled you up?" Suzaku asked curiously.

Lelouch, with his uber awesome lying Jedi skills, shook his head and replied, "Of course not. It was your imagination."

Suzaku nodded. "It was my imagination." He agreed.

"You are now going to go home and rethink your life."

"I am now going to go home and rethink my life…wait! There's something we have to do first!" Suzaku suddenly remembered. He turned around and faced Mt. Fuji, looking at it silently. Lelouch stared at him, confused.

"Suzaku, what are you—" Suzaku shushed him quickly and kept staring at Mt. Fuji, where a bunch of flying things were at.

"They're coming…" he whispered after a few seconds. "Britannia…"

Lelouch looked at his friend strangely. "Um, those are just birds."

Suzaku twitched. "Seriously?" he squinted and saw that indeed, those were just a bunch of birds flying around Mt. Fuji. "Aw, dammit!" he pouted. "I wanted to look out towards a faraway place and say something dramatic and mysterious…"

Lelouch twitched. "Is _that_ why you dragged me out here? So you could do a dramatic scene?!"

Suzaku gave him a look as if to say, 'Duh, why else would I come up here?'

Lelouch sighed. "Dude…you're retarded. I'm going home." He turned around and ran, only to fall off the cliff that had taken him an hour to climb up on.

"Effing cliff!"

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_August 10__th__, 2010 a.t.b. The Britannia Empire declared war on Japan, for a reason we have yet to comprehend. During the mainland battle, the Britannian army used the Mobile Humanoid Armor Vehicles, Knightmare Frames, in combat for the first time. Their power was beyond anything imagined, and the Japanese defense forces were easily defeated by these giant rollerblading robots, as they were too busy gaping and laughing to do anything in defense. _

_Japanese became a territory of the empire, and had its freedom…rights…flag…Barbies…pencils…uber spiffeh companies such as Nintendo and Sony…video game systems…sushi…oh yeah, and its name…taken away._

_Area 11. That number was the new name for Japan after the war. It was dubbed this number because the Emperor had trouble remembering numbers of the territories Britannia held, and 11 was an easy number to remember. _

_Anyway._

"I'm…" little Lelouch started angrily. "Suzaku…I'm…going to destroy Britannia!" To make it even more serious, he made a scary face.

Suzaku stared at him for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. "Oh, that was good!" he choked out through the laughter.

Lelouch twitched. "That wasn't a joke." He said stiffly.

Suzaku stopped suddenly. "Oooooooh. It was a dramatic scene, right?! Right?!" he pestered Lelouch. "That was an awesome dramatic scene! Teach me how to do that!" he poked the Britannian prince repeatedly until the latter snapped.

"That's it! I'm leaving!" he stalked off in the opposite direction, but before long, he tripped over a dead corpse, cutting his journey off short.

"Effing corpse!"

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_7 years after the war: 2017 a.t.b._

A helicopter flew above a truck in the skies of Tokyo.

"This is Alpha 3." The pilot said into his radio. "The target has exited Delta 12 and entered into Delta 14. It's moving at a rate of 80 km/hr. Movement according to the CCP. Floor 5 to Floor 2, Code 3. 288 to command. Capture of the target—"

"Sir, none of us understand what the hell you just said." A soldier interrupted through the speaker.

"I thought we established that Delta 12 meant Jefferson road and that Delta 14 meant Cherry Lane!" the captain snapped back at his men. He continued to ramble on. "Floor 5 refers to the Pizza hut on Main Street, Floor 2 is—"

"Sir…seriously, the only one who remembers all of this is you." The soldier sighed. "Just…where's the truck?"

"On the intersection between Cherry Lane and Mushroom avenue." The captain answered immediately.

The soldiers all sighed of relief. "See, wasn't that much better?" They all then turned off their radios, and concentrated on capturing the target.

The captain turned off his radio as well, pouting. "But…I wanted to make it sound _cool_!" he whined to no one in particular.

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Meanwhile, in a building far, far away from the helicopters and the fleeing truck, were two men playing chess in front of a television. Four guards surrounded the men.

"Who the hell plays chess with a television on?" one guard whispered to another guard. The latter shrugged.

"This is footage of the terrorist bombing that occurred in Osaka a few days ago." The female reporter on the television announced. "This attack…wait, dammit, why am I telling them about something that happened a few days ago? Why can't I just talk about something that's happening now? Nobody cares about some bombing that killed eight Britannians a week ago!" she snarled to someone off-screen.

Someone muttered in response, something along the lines of 'Nothing else to report…' The reporter screamed back, "FINE!! RAGEQUIT!!" and ran off the screen, shouting vulgar insults that could be heard for a good couple of seconds before fading out. Sounds of punches and screaming could be heard also.

A beaten up man crawled onto the screen. "We'll be…right back…" he panted meekly before twitching and falling to the ground, unconscious. Or maybe dead. Who cares?

One of the men playing chess, an aristocrat, tore his eyes away from the television screen, and the man sitting opposite of him, an old, nervous looking man, did so as well. The old man's timer beeped. "Time's up," the guard closest to the man grunted. "You have to make a move within twenty seconds now."

The old man gawked. "Already? I thought I had a lot more time than that!" he said, stunned.

The guard who had questioned why someone would play chess with a television on earlier suddenly had a realizing look on his face. "OHH! IT'S TO MAKE THE OPPONENT RUN OUT OF TIME!!" he shouted with glee.

The aristocrat shushed him quickly. "You're not supposed to say that out loud!" he said. The guard quickly clamped his mouth shut.

Suddenly, the doors behind the old man opened. "I'm SAVED!!" he leaped off the chair and kneeled in front of the two male teenagers coming in, kissing the shoes and legs of the boy in front. The boy twitched and backed away. "Mr. Adams…I thought I told you NOT to do that. Especially in public." The old man kissed the black haired boy's legs one more time before straightening up, still thanking him.

"Oh? A yaoi pairing?" the aristocrat asked, looking at the 2 boys and the old man.

"Oh? A lolicon?" the boy replied. He had beautiful black hair with stunning purple eyes (yes people, the authoress is indeed a Lelouch fangirl), and was tall in height and elegantly skinny in structure. His posture showed a bit of arrogance, and he wore a black school uniform. The boy behind him wore the same attire, but had blue hair that stuck up to the sides and a face that showed a low IQ. Which he probably had.

"Touché." the gentleman narrowed his eyes. How did that student know he was a rabid lolicon? It COULDN'T have possibly been the fact that a bunch of plush lolis were scattered around the room. Or the fact that the aristocrat had a life-size loli sitting in his lap at the moment.

Lelouch's eye twitched, and he shook his head in disgust. "Lolicon, you die today." he sat down in the chair Mr. Adams was sitting in just a few moments before, and facepalmed. "Mr. Adams, did you realize that...nevermind, you're too stupid, I don't expect you even saw this move." The black haired prince picked up his king, and moved it once space forward. "Checkmate. Okay now gimme my money."

The aristocrat's mouth dropped open, and he stared at the black king, his eye twitching continuously. After waiting a few moments, Lelouch sighed, walked over to the aristocrat, took his wallet from his pocket, and walked towards the door. The guards didn't do anything, as they were also shocked; shocked that they worked for a lolicon retard.

"Let's get the hell out of here, Rivalz."

Lelouch glided towards the door elegantly, about to complete his dramatic exit, when he tripped over a loli plushie.

"Effing lolicon!"

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A/N: R&R Please? I don't know if I should continue this. Hope you guys liked it!


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